I have my moments . . .

I happened across this post, written more than 3 years ago, as I contemplated leaving my home and family to come to Yakima.  I figured right.  The reverse is now true.  The sad achy feeling is returning.

2015-1-10-back-yard-1 There are some minutes and even some hours in some days where I just sit and stare out the window, thinking about my life and my family and my friends, and I feel a huge sadness that I’ll be leaving this place for awhile.  I won’t see what’s out my window, or see my children very often, or see my friends for 3 years.  It’s a feeling that pulls my heart down into a sad achy place.  I wonder how I will do it.  I wonder about all the things that will happen while I am gone.  I wonder what excitement in the lives of my friends will be missed.  I wonder if some of my dear older friends may go and be gone when I come home.

I will miss out on conversations with friends, or weekends with children home from school.  I will leave behind piles of books in every room I intended to get to this next year.  Quilt projects that have been on hold will stay on hold.  My front door will be locked and no one will come visiting.

Who will pull the weeds?  Who will welcome children to the playground?  Who will hang Christmas lights or take them down?  Who will plant pumpkins for Halloween, or harvest the grapes in the Fall?  Who will love the things around me that I love, every day I’m here?

It’s an interesting thing to consider going away for awhile.  Life will carry on here, day by day, as it has before, as it does now.  I just won’t be here to feel it in this place.

I wonder what I’ll be thinking after 3 years in Washington.  I’ll bet my feelings will be similar, on a quiet day like today, as we take down the Christmas tree.  I will be thinking about who I’ll be leaving behind in that place, wondering how I will ever live without being near them.

About Ann Laemmlen Lewis

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2 Responses to I have my moments . . .

  1. Sandi Caron says:

    I have been feeling the same as we contemplate leaving our home to go to Ukraine, but I know we’ll love the people there and have some wonderful experiences! It’s a bitter-sweet feeling on both ends! I have enjoyed going on this journey with you. You both are awesome!


  2. You will be a Fantastic addition to the good people in the Ukraine! I will look forward to hearing about your adventures there! We will pray for you as we pray for all of our missionaries here. Love to you both from Yakima!


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